Pictures of me showering, butt nekkid!

Its a habit of mine to read while taking a crap. And today, while doing my business, I got pun-ished. (If you think this pun sucks, you may want to exit this window NOW)

So I was reading this school publication I received a few days ago, taking my time scanning through the articles (it wasn't smooth, if you know what I mean), and it suddenly dawned upon me that I had been pun-ked, by the magazine.

If you feel that I don't make sense up to this point, maybe these pictures will help.

What better way to start your first article than a pun!

Yep because SP students have no heart

What rice? My heart pressure?

Yeah Im thaiing to make sense of this

Yup, and my van's lacking in wheel-power.

And just when I thought the worst was over,

Combo! All in one article! And look! A repeat!

The puns were so bad it gave a new meaning to verbal diarrhea. That plus brown watery diarrhea, and you know today's really not your day.

On a separate issue, I feel I should make a statement against the ERP hike, and addition of new gantries too.

EET SUXXXXX!!!!!!!!!!!!

As if paying for petrol for that gas guzzling van I drive is not enough, now they double the rates and add new operation hours to beyond congested times WTF!!!

On another separate issue, ISP's deadline's getting closer, and I haven't really done shit. This indifferent attitude of mine's really getting to me, and its not only schoolwork that's affected.

This's probably the reason why if I could choose a superpower, I'd definitely choose time manipulation.

On yet another issue, I feel like I'll have a pretty bland rest-of-the-year, and the only thing I'm slightly more looking forward to would be the holidays. And even then I wouldn't know what to do with everyone else starting school or still in NS. AIYO SO SIAN.

Guess I really have to start getting proactive or I'm really gonna waste this supposed prime of my life!

What a day.

Truly an underdog story worthy of a movie. SP SIFE Team beat all 3 universities and 3 other polytechnics including 4-year-reigning champs SMU to get into the SIFE World Cup!

Pity they decided to hold it in Asia this year, and double pity they chose Singapore. Last year's was held at freaking New York!!!!

WOOHOO SP SIFE FTW!!!!



Hope we appear in the papers!

During a random recollection of the past few days just now while having breakfast, I realized that I made a geek joke yesterday.

Intended to transfer some files over to my thumbdrive from another team member

Friend: OK pass me your thumbdrive I'll save the files inside
Me: But my thumbdrive is very troublesome one.
Friend: But I thought thumbdrives are all plug and play?
Me: Not mine. Mine's plug, install, restart and play.
Everybody: *patronising laughter (or genuine ones I'm not sure, they're from sciences)

Wah and I found out it costs $31.50 to take a cab home from SP with midnight charges.

Holy shit. I think something's wrong with me. I wake up at 5 am for no apparent reason and can't fall back asleep. And when I finally do it's almost time to wake up. More disturbing is my loss of appetite I couldn't even finish a plate of fried rice for lunch today.

Gut feeling tells me it’s overexerting my body mainly due to the sudden interest in badminton. Have been playing at least twice a week and maybe all the lard I've gathered this 2 years is finally finding a way out of my system so in a sense its good news to me.

Woohoo but it’s been great this hols although it sucked having to conduct surveys with Singaporeans at Orchard Road. Caught a couple of movies with great company but shit I haven't done any work so maybe I should try to get myself started.

And since I still can't sleep despite the fact that I've got a meeting in school tomorrow (or rather later) I'll talk about something that has been subtly disturbing me for quite some time.

Its the advertisement for a certain fried chicken fast food chain student meal.

Most people don’t even give it a second glance, but the image of a schoolboy (presumably in secondary school) doing the hand-over-mouth-cause-i've-been-a-naughty-boy giggle and giving a come-spank-me look to the teacher who's giving the my-lovely-students-do-the-darndest-thing look back to the boy appears anything but appetising to me. And to add insult to injury, the reason for flirting is a math equation that doesn’t even make sense. Based on my impression it goes something like:

X + X = KFC STUDENT MEAL!

I can already imagine what their competitors might do to promote their student meals in the future.

Picture the same blackboard with teacher and student setting, but instead, on the board it writes:

E = MCdonalds student meal!

OK that’s all I could think of but you get my point

Damn I'm still not tired enough to sleep.

If only all children stories were like this.


The One Little Wolf and the Big Bad Mafia Pigs
by Joe Dafro (ZTB)

The One Little Wolf and the Big Bad Mafia Pigs is an autobiography written by former Mafia informant Joe Dafro describing his life in the New York underworld and rewritten in the form of the classic fairy tale The Three Little Pigs.


Prologue

The Little Wolf was strolling down the sidewalk, humming and singing in tune with the little birds and animals that so conveniently donned the hyperbolic happy scene. All was right with the world and best of all; The Little Wolf was going to bring a basket of goodies to his old granny in the Happy Meadows Retirement Home. Little did The Little Wolf know, all this good was about to change. Most decent parents teach their children to not go walking in the woods alone, all by yourself - but, The Little Wolf, unfortunately, was taught otherwise. His parents had always said, “Oh, son, its fine! You’re at the top of the Food Chain, remember?” and, “Now, Wolfie, what did I say to you about doing your homework? Go outside, and walk around in the uncharted wilderness.” Yes, very tragic. For, you see, The Little Wolf was a very harmless creature. He wasn’t a nerd by any means, of course, what with his chess tournament trophies and cleanest pocket protector awards. Why, he was a regular stud! But it wasn’t until today, that The Little Wolf’s real ability was tested.


Ch 1 The Beginning

While The Little Wolf was walking down the cheerful lane, a trio of miscreants waited in the distant bushes, waiting for a gullible geek or hobo to walk down with some cool shit to steal. This day they were lucky; they had found a mixture of both! Six bleary eyes watched the Little Wolf as he came closer and closer. With ease, the Big Bad Pigs pounced out of the bushes right in front of The Little Wolf. One said, “Gives us all yur monies!” The other, better educated pig said in a gentlemanly fashion, “I do say, old bean, it would be a terrible shame if you weren’t so kind to give us your wallet. If you don’t hand it over, we might resort to violence and all manner of unrealishable activities, eh wot?” The final and more level-headed of the Big Bad Pigs said, “Look, buddy, just give us what’s in the basket and no one gets hurt, alright?” The Little Wolf stared blankly at the pigs for a moment before replying awkwardly, “I’m sorry I can’t let you take what’s in here, it’s for my granny.” The British-bent pig said, “Aww! Well, ain’t that just the cutest bloody bloomin’ thing you ever have seen?” All three of the Pigs burst out in scorning laughter, not noticing the sly smile that spread across the wolf’s face. Then the first Pig said, “Be seriously, either give us that basket or we’ll make you give it to us, The Boss really said he needed it.” “Vinne, you moron! We weren’t supposed to talk about The Boss!” said the last Pig. The second Pig said, “Oh, dear. It seems we have said too much and now we need to ruff him up. Nothing personal, old chum, but we really must hurt you now.” The Pigs Drew closer to the Little Wolf, who the whole time was gripping something inside the basket. The Pigs drew pistols and began to draw even closer. The Little Wolf then quickly pulled out a smoke grenade and AK-47 and started to reign down upon The Pigs with a barrage of bullets. The Pigs ran off, screaming as they went: “You watch out! Now the mob is after you! The Boss is gonna take care of you!” and with that, The Pigs Vanished into the foliage.

Ch 2 Searching out The Pig Mafia

A few uninterrupted hours later, The Little Wolf had successfully delivered the basket of goodies to his granny and was on a computer researching the Pig Mafia. It turned out, he found that The Pig Mafia was actually a very notorious crime group that had plagued the innocent little animals of the town of Happy Meadows for a many years. He also found out that it was run by Billy Francisco Jebbadiah Wilkenhiemer van Jhenson, otherwise know as "Zed" or “The Boss”. Billy was about to give up researching when he saw a final line at the bottom of the page that said: “Questions or comments? Visit the Pig Mafia homepage at www.pigmafia.crimeorg or e-mail The Boss at BFJWvJhenson@secretcrimegroupsandrunescape.net ” This was obviously a lead. The Little Wolf clicked the link to the Pig Mafia homepage, which simultaneously took him to his desired destination and unleashed untold amounts of spam and computer viruses upon the innocent little public library computer. Billy quickly jotted down the address of the Pig Mafia’s Secret Hideout and left to hunt down the rapscallions who so dearly wished to ruin his perfect day. The Little Wolf decided to wait until midnight to infiltrate the Pig Mafia hideout simply for the sake of dramatic effect. When the town clock struck twelve, the Little Wolf picked the lock to the hideout and was inside. He crept down a hallway, sneaky as a silent fart, and found the door to The Boss’s office. While he was attempting to pick the lock to the door, it was thrust opened. The Little Wolf found himself staring into the angry face of the Boss.

Ch 3 Face-Off with The Boss

The Boss smoothly said, “I’ve been expecting you, little wolf.” “How do you know my name?!” asked The Little Wolf in a flabbergasted manner. The Boss replied, “I don’t, I just say that to everyone who comes to my door, who the heck are you?” “I,” said the Little Wolf, “am Archibald P. Wolf, and you sent your goons after me this morning. I’m here to kick you butt for ruining my perfect day!” “oh, is that so? Well, I won’t be coming quietly. You’ll have to duel me!!!” And, without further ado, they sprang at each other. The duel was on! The Boss quickly flipped out a rune skimmy, easily popping an eleven on The Little Wolf. Wolfie countered with a Spartan Laser attack and a bubble shield. Not one to be thwarted by such a simple adversary, The Boss started vigorously screaming the “Dora the Explorer” theme song and flailing his arms around wildly. The Little Wolf was so startled by this, that he jumped and hit the incandescent light fixture on the ceiling, causing an inconveniently placed bottle of gasoline to explode and render them both unconscious.

Ch 4 Forgiveness and First Aid

When The Little Wolf woke up, he was face up in a hospital bed, next to The Boss. They realized that they couldn’t attack each other, so they exchanged injuring glances and painful words like “poopy-sniffer” and “monkey-slapper”. When they became tired of the fruitless exercise, they both softened up and The Boss said, “I guess I’m kinda sorry that I sent hit men to rob and kill you.” “It’s okay,” said The Little Wolf, “I’m kinda sorry that I tried to hunt you down and kill you over the fact that you ruined my day.” “Friends?” asked The Boss. “Friends,” said The Little Wolf. And they both awkwardly tried to shake hands but were foiled by the fact that they were in full-body casts. Everything was happy, the town of Happy Meadows was free from a menace and Wolfie had finally made a friend. All was right with the world…until- haha, just kidding, the story’s over, I had you scared that there was more didn’t I?

THE END

Credits to Uncyclopedia and the brilliant guy who wrote the story
http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Big_Bad_Wolf

Don't know why the exams always inspire me to post new entries, but it just makes me feel like writing something other than exam notes, so here I am.

Ever had the experience of making a mental note to yourself how you will not try a particular food ever again because you don't like it, but somehow, you'll just go eat it again just to remind you how much it sucks?

This happened to me today. I was out, and just had some noodles, so I thought maybe I could get a desert. Or a drink. Or both.

And so in the end I went to McDonald's to get a chocolate milkshake. And tagging along with this idea to get the milkshake, was the impression that sometime ago, I bought it and couldn't finish it because I didn't really like it and was kinda sweet, not to mention the fact that I read somewhere that McMilkshakes aren't the healthiest milk-based products around. (Something about them not using real milk at all, but anyway I should stop criticizing McDonald's anymore here, in case they decide to sue me)

Then there was this voice inside my head telling me to try it again, telling me that maybe I had a wrong impression of the beverage the last time. Needless to say I bought it.

But as I went past half the cup, I began to make the same mental note reminding myself not to buy it in the future again. And I guess this vicious cycle will carry on until the product is discontinued, or something like that.

In another unrelated incident, just now as I was just surfing YouTube, I saw a guy I'm sure I'll never want to mess with.

I think he can follow the links from YouTube right to this blog, so I shall not say much. I'll just keep any criticisms (or comments) to myself, in the unlikely case that he decides to move over here to Israel and personally chop

Ok the thought of that is freaking me out so I will not go on thinking about what he'll do when he do find me. Right here in Israel.

(Yeah so what if I don't really live in Israel, I wouldn't want to risk him REALLY coming over to Canada to murder me for what I just said)

The inspiration to write a new post just subsided. Will try to update cause it's pretty enjoyable. Till next time.